No, it wasn't easy to deal with, but I never grieved for myself. I quickly turned my attention to all the others who would suffer an awful empty spot in their lives. I ached for her dad, her siblings, grandmothers, her aunt, uncle, cousins, nieces, and nephews. But most of all,  my heart ached for her fiancé. I also grieved for her life-long girlfriend who was her college roommate. And I felt sorry for all of her other friends. I really grieved and prayed for them.

I soon began reflecting back on times past:

When Charlie was a critically ill baby.

I thought about the joy I felt during my pregnancy with Mary Katherine. I remembered what a great blessing it had been to have such a sweet, intelligent girl. I thought about the two near death experiences with her.

I started praising God for all the wonderful memories because He chose to send her to me in the first place.

I wasn't interested in acting like a spoiled brat, asking for more than God chose to give me.

I had a thankful heart as I counted my many blessings.

As I reflected on those past events I could see: God had prepared me years in advance to be able to face my daughter's death. Praise God - for His plans are perfect.

I again told God, "Lord , you gave up Your Son for my sins, so how could I be selfish and not be willing for You to take my baby home to be with Jesus. After all, she belonged to You before You sent her to me." I was aware that God had only placed her in my care, to love, teach, train and guide her.

Mary was a very good Christian girl. She had attracted people like a magnet. She was joyful and sweet. To know her was to love her! She touched more lives in her short lifetime than most of us ever would.. She was pretty on the inside and on the outside. 

Phone calls started pouring in - people wanting to give me sympathy. I told them, "Give me your love and prayers but please don't give me sympathy because I have no LOSS. My baby is right where any mother eventually wants her child to be. It's just that SHE got there before I did. Mary's made the grade, she's with Jesus.  She has the best! How could I possibly feel LOSS. An empty spot? YES, oh yes, I feel an empty spot! But Mary is perfectly happy up there in heaven with Jesus. So what more could a mother want for her child?"

I called Mary's minister and he came to my house to discuss funeral arrangements. Her funeral was not designed to be a time of mourning but a time of celebration. A true Graduation Day for her. But also a time to reach others for Christ.

Brother Shaw had never met me until that day.

I asked him if he would let me get up and speak at her funeral. I wanted to touch the hearts for the Lord! But He stated that he didn't think I could hold up to do it. I again said "I can."  But I agreed to let him speak for me.

He also built a message around my poem "Fallow Ground" and he read it. Copies were available for the taking.

He told about when Mary was under two years old I taught her about Jesus. People would ask her, "Mary, where is Jesus." She'd point to her chest and say, "In my little heart!"

Just before the funeral service started, I was sitting in the front row, in front of Mary's casket. I really wasn't prepared for the little obituary that the funeral home fixes up.